Tuesday, September 4, 2012

She just knew

It was so real she could see it, smell it, taste it, feel it and it burned itself in her mind.  A permanent tattoo that perhaps would fade with time. 
She went in to deliver her baby.  In an instant like none other she was holding a lifeless body...willing it to breath.  Begging the doctors...nurses to check just one more time.  It was a mothers instinct that kept propelling her to get them to check just once more.  I know he will breath if you just listen.  Just once more, please... and they would only to shake their heads in tragic sorrow.  He was her second to be lost or was he?  Somewhere she remembers those people saying, "But you knew it could happen."  It has before, don't you remember?   Were there really six or was it five?  The questions began swirling until it made its own sense. It was a way to reconcile keeping her beautiful rainbow and having her beautiful boy too. I think.  I guess. It only made sense in her mind.
All of the sudden there was a loud gasp for air in the quietness of that tiny room.  Then screams...the screams of a newborn.  "Hurry", she screamed to him.  "Run, get the nurse."  I knew he was alive.  I just knew it, but they would not listen.  They didn't believe me but they will now. They came running in hurriedly and whisked him away.  They took him to the NICU to be kept alive.  He was kept that way for days, weeks on end.  Finally, they went home to shower and retrieve some things they would need, only to be called right back.  He needed them now.  It was a race to make it back.  She frantically tried to call her mother to beg her to go ahead so he would have someone.  She couldn't get her.  "Why was she not answering her phone?"  Finally,  her mom answered and she said she would go.  When they got there family had gathered. They all waited with bated breath.  He just needed his mommy and daddy.  That was all.  He was going to be fine and so was the baby of her friend whom she had walked through this journey with.  Her friend's baby was being put in a regular bed because she was doing so well. Her baby, her Eli would get there she just knew it. 

And then it was over before it really began.  I wanted to go back to dreamland just for a little while longer.  It is so rare for me to dream of him.  It has happened two or three times now.  This is the most I remember from any of them.  It was the best of both worlds because my mind worked it out for me to have Eli and Amelia along with my other sweetlings. 

Much love,

1 comment:

  1. I had those same kind of terrifying dreams with my first rainbow pregnancy where the baby was alive and dead, couldn't quite be sure... I wasn't at all surprised when the ultrasound showed a blighted ovum. Thankfully, those dreams did not come to warn me with my second rainbow.